


Potion Noir

by RockSunner



Series: Potionate AU series [11]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clones, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Secrets, Ghosts, Haunted Houses, Love Potion/Spell, Memory Alteration, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3447695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like other stories in the AU series, this explores what could happen if things didn't go as planned at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. What if Dipper and Pacifica were already in love when the mansion haunting began?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Needing Help

"You asked for it, you got it! An entire 48-hour marathon of Ghost Harassers on the Used to Be About History Channel!"

Dipper sat in the old yellow armchair. "Be strong, bladder. We're not gonna move 'til sunset."

The voice of Toby Determined came on. "We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news!"

"Aw, what?" said Dipper.

Mabel jumped into the chair to his right. "It's starting!'

Candy jumped into the chair to his left. "Turn it up!"

Grenda jumped in front of them all, breaking a lamp. "Make room for Grenda!"

On the TV, Toby Determined was outside Northwest Manor.

"Well, tonight's the night, but I've been out here for days!" said Toby, looking dirty and disheveled. "The Northwest family's annual high-society-shindig-ball-soiree is here! And even though common folk aren't let in, that doesn't stop us from camping out for a peek at the fanciness!"

Mabel, Grenda, and Candy all oohed and their eyes got big.

Dipper said, "Okay, can we please explain why people care about this?"

"It's pretty much the best party of all time," said Grenda. "Rich food, richer boys!"

"They say each gift basket has a live quail inside!" said Mabel.

Candy stood at the TV screen, pawing desperately. "Give me your life, Pacifica."

"Pff. Guys, in case you've already forgotten, Pacifica Northwest is the worst," said Dipper.

There was a knock at the door, and Dipper got up to answer it.

"And that's not just jealousy talking. I'd say that to her face."

He opened the door and saw Pacifica. Quickly he slipped outside and shut the door behind him.

"Pacifica, you're the best."

He hugged her and she hugged him back.

"Thank you for coming to see me," said Dipper.

"Dipper, I need your help."

* * *

It had started a few days ago. Dipper went to Greasy's Diner to find Mabel so they could get ready to go to the Woodstick festival.

He found her in a booth with some pink-coated fries in a basket in front of her, hugging herself with happiness.

"Guess what, Dipper? I just hooked up Robbie and Tambry! They're going together now."

"What? Robbie and Tambry? How did you do that?"

"I'm just an amazing matchmaker," said Mabel. "And I had a little help from these chili fries, dosed with love potion from the Love God. He's a real cupid."

"Love potion, for real?" Dipper asked.

"All they had to do was eat it or touch it, and they fell in love with the first person they saw, which happened to be each other," said Mabel. "Now my work is done. I'm ready to go to the concert."

Mabel got up from the table, prepared to leave.

"Hold on a second," said Dipper. "We can't just leave the fries sitting here. The busboy might fall in love with Lazy Susan, or something. We have to dispose of them properly."

"I'll leave that little detail to you," said Mabel, skipping out the door.

Dipper carefully picked up the basket, making sure he didn't get any potion on himself. The trash can in the diner didn't seem safe enough. He took the fries out the door, and walked quickly down the sidewalk with his head down, making sure not to spill any potion.

He bumped into someone on the street. The basket of fries dropped to the ground, splashing pink potion onto his sneakers and onto the designer shoes of the other person.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" said a familiar voice. "You got your messy commoner food on me. Oh, it's you.. Actually, it's wonderful to see you again, Dipper."

"It's great to see you too, Pacifica."

They had gone for a long walk in the woods and talked about everything. Dipper forgot completely about going to the concert. He told Pacifica they had been affected by love potion, and they discussed whether they should try to find the Love God that Mabel was talking about, to see if there was an antidote. Pacifica overruled that, saying it would embarrass her family. They would pretend to still dislike each other in public, but see each other in secret, for now.

* * *

So here they were, on the back porch of the Mystery Shack.

"What do you need, Pacifica? I'd be glad to help," said Dipper.

"There's a ghost haunting our mansion," said Pacifica. "My parents told me to lie to you and trick you into getting rid of it for us, but I can't do that. I'll tell you everything I know about the ghost and its curse on the Northwests."


	2. Haunted Manor

One of the Northwest's limos drove Pacifica, Dipper, Mabel, Candy, and Grenda through the gates and onto the grounds of the Manor. (Dipper had asked Pacifica to give invitations to his sister and her two friends, as a "payment" to justify to everyone why he was helping her, and because they really wanted to go to the party.)

They entered the ornate, glittering foyer of the mansion.

"Welcome to Northwest Manor, dorks. Try not to touch anything," said Pacifica, acting as she was expected to act to hide her feelings for Dipper.

Mabel, Candy, and Grenda gasped at the place.

Mabel said, "Everything's so fancy! Fancy floors, fancy plants... fancy man!"

She rubbed the butler's face, and he said, "Yes, very good, Miss."

Candy showed her gift bag. "The rumors were true!"

A live quail and three baby quail popped out. Mabel and her friends ran off after them giggling.

Preston Northwest said, "Ah, if it isn't the man of the hour! Hopefully you can help us with our little... situation, before the guests arrive in an hour."

"I'll do my best," said Dipper.

"Splendid! Pacifica, take our guest to the 'problem room,' and, uh... he's not wearing _that_ , is he?"

Dipper was cleaning his teeth with his finger, and his shirt was hanging partially in and partially out of his pants.

"I'm on it," said Pacifica.

Dipper emerging from a dressing room in a tuxedo. He and Pacifica were alone.

"Ugh, it's like this collar is strangling me," said Dipper.

"Here, let me fix your tie," said Pacifica.

Dipper blushed when she did this, and they shared a quick kiss.

"Sweetie, you look wonderful now, up to our standards. High standards are what make the Northwest family great," said Pacifica.

She pointed to a small gallery of Northwest family achievements: generous sharing of farm produce, negotiating peace with the Native Americans, and exploring the wilderness.

"I like you in spite of your Northwest heritage," said Dipper. "They lied about founding the town, and cheated the lumberjacks who built their home out of a party. Who knows what else they lied about?"

"Please, let's not argue," said Pacifica. "Time we can spend together is precious."

The reached the "problem room" and Dipper opened the creaky door. "Whoa."

The walls were covered with animal head hunting trophies, and old paintings. The large fireplace filled the room with an eerie reddish light.

Pacifica said, "This is the main room where it's been happening."

"Yep, this looks like the kind of room that would be haunted, all right," said Dipper. "This may not be too bad. Ghosts fall on a ten-category scale. Floating plates sounds like a Category One. If so, a splash of anointed water will send it away."

"What if it's worse?" asked Pacifica.

"It could be much worse," said Dipper. "But ghosts always have a reason, even Category Ten ghosts. I used that fact when I dealt with a couple of convenience store ghosts that were at least Category Eight."

"How will that help?" asked Pacifica.

"The fall-back plan is to open the gates and let everyone in. That's what it said in the curse, right? _If the gate's still closed to town, wealthy blood will stain the ground._ "

"My parents will kill me if I do that," said Pacifica.

"The ghost may literally kill you if you don't," said Dipper.

"Please sweetie, just try to exorcise it first," said Pacifica.

Dipper took out an electronic device. "Shh! I'm picking something up."

Dipper walked further into the room, stopping before a tall painting of a lumberjack over the fireplace.

"Is this the guy?" Dipper asked himself. "I wonder why they kept a painting of him around."

The device lost its signal for a moment.

"C'mon, stupid thing," said Dipper, tapping the device. "There we go."

Dipper looked back up at the painting, and the lumberjack had disappeared.

"Uh, Pacifica?" Dipper said.

Pacifica saw blood dripping on the floor, and screamed. Blood was coming from the mouths and eyes of the animal heads on the wall. There was a burst of fire from the fireplace.

"Ancient Sins, Ancient Sins," chanted the animal heads.

Lightning crackled around the chandelier. Objects in the room began to fly, circling Dipper and Pacifica. She clung to him.

"Dipper, what is this?" Pacifica asked.

"It's a Category Ten," said Dipper.

The bottle of anointed water broke. Dipper and Pacifica screamed.

"Ancient Blood And Blackened Skies. Forest Dark Shall Once More Rise," chanted the animal heads.

Pacifica shook Dipper by the collar. "What do we do, what do we do?!"

"We get out of here and open the gate," said Dipper. "We'll survive this if it doesn't get any worse."

The fireplace flared again and a flaming skeleton emerged. Dipper and Pacifica hid under a table. A body formed around the skeleton, a huge bald lumberjack with an axe stuck in his head.

"I smell... a Northwest!" said the Ghost.

A beard of flame appeared on the face of the Ghost. He raised a hand and a large axe appeared in it. He dragged it across the parquet floor, tearing it up.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" said the Ghost.

"He's going to kill us before we can do anything," said Pacifica in a panic. "Find something in your book!"

"I'm looking," said Dipper. "This book is gonna save our lives! Alright, here we go. Advice..."

He held his portable black light over the book, revealing the words, "PRAY FOR MERCY!"

"Aw, seriously?!" said Dipper.

The Ghost telekinetically lifted the table, revealing them. They screamed.

"You shouldn't have come here!" said the Ghost, slicing at them with the axe.

Pacifica said, "This way! Hurry!"

They ran down the hallway, pursued by the Ghost. Pacifica led the way through a maze of corridors.

"Hurry! Through the garden! Watch out for peacocks!" said Pacifica.

Dipper was still trying to read as he ran, and he bumped into a peacock. They ran through a muddy garden path and back into the house on the other side.

"Come on, come on..." said Dipper. "I got it! Haunted paintings can only be trapped in a silver mirror. Look! There's a silver mirror right there!"

They ran towards a pure white room with a large rectangular silver mirror on the wall. Dipper was about to go in and get the mirror when Pacifica got in front of him.

"Wait! Don't go in there! This room has my parents' favorite carpet pattern! They'll lose it if we track mud in there!"

"What? Are you serious?" said Dipper.

He tried to push into the room, but Pacifica held him back.

Pacifica said, "We'll find another way!"

They heard the ghost laughing, coming for them. "Come out!"

"Pacifica, we don't have time for this! Let me through!"

"No, my parents will kill me!"

"Why are you so afraid of your parents?"

"You wouldn't understand!"

In the struggle they both tripped and fell through the painting of a skeleton crowned as a king, into a dusty, spider-webbed room.

"Ah... What is this place?" asked Dipper.

"That's weird," said Pacifica. "I don't even know where this room is."

"Hopefully the ghost doesn't either," said Dipper.

"Yeah, maybe we're safe," said Pacifica.

The Ghost lifted the sheet on the painting behind Pacifica, and nearly engulfed her.

"Pacifica, watch out!" said Dipper.

"Aaaaah!" screamed Pacifica.

"Your fate is sealed!" called the Ghost.

Dipper was about to try a self-sacrificing move to save Pacifica, getting in the way of the Ghost's axe, when the Ghost knocked over a box of stored objects.

"A silver mirror!" said Dipper.

Pacifica tripped over a loose floorboard. "Ow!"

"Prepare to die, Northwest!" shouted the Ghost, raising his axe and charging Pacifica.

Dipper held up the silver mirror in front of the ghost. The force of the charge knocked them both out of a window and they rolled down a hill, tangled in a drape. They pulled themselves free.

"Did you get him?" asked Pacifica.

Dipper held up the mirror and they saw the Ghost inside.

The Ghost pounded on the inside of the mirror. "No! Free me!"

"Yes!" said Dipper and Pacifica together.

"We did it!" said Pacifica, hugging Dipper.

They held each other for a while and then kissed, happy to be alive.

"I love you," said Pacifica.

"I love you, too," said Dipper.


	3. The World's Worst Chain

Dipper and the Northwest family stood in the garden of the Manor, with a butler standing by.

"Well, Pacifica, you really found the right man for the job," said Preston Northwest.

He snapped his fingers and the butler shook Dipper's hand.

"We can't thank you enough," said Mrs. Northwest. "That's enough," she told the butler an instant later.

"Hey, just holding up my end of the deal," said Dipper.

"Wait, leaving already?" asked Pacifica. "You're at the world's best party, dummy."

She gave him a covert wink, hinting that they could spend more time together.

"Heh, I'd love to stay, but I've got a Category Ten ghost to dispose of," said Dipper. Looking back at Pacifica, he walked into a pillar. "Aah! Heh heh... Category Ten."

Dipper talked to himself as he walked away through the garden, "Call me crazy, but she's really something."

The Ghost laughed from the mirror.

"What are you laughing about, man?" asked Dipper. "I defeated you."

"You've been had, boy," said the Ghost. "You remind me of me a hundred and fifty years ago."

Dipper asked, "What do you mean?"

The Ghost told the story of Nathaniel Northwest's promise to throw a grand party for the town, the betrayal of his promise, and how it had led to the Lumberjack's death.

Dipper said, "Yeah man, I knew all that. Not every detail, but the basics."

"How did you know?" asked the Ghost.

"Pacifica told me. She didn't keep that a secret; she loves me and I love her."

"Then why didn't you persuade your young lady to open the gates and keep the promise made 150 years ago?" asked the Ghost.

"Well... we planned to do that if trying to exorcise you didn't work," said Dipper. "Pacifica was afraid her parents would be angry if she just opened the gate."

"And it turned out that you found a weakness in me that you could exploit," said the Ghost. "You have allowed the Northwests to trample down the common folk once again."

"When you put it like that, it sounds pretty bad," said Dipper.

"You sold a piece of yourself, all because of your desire for a wench," said the Ghost. "She may be pretty, but what is there to love inside that cold and empty Northwest heart?"

"I know she has good qualities in there," said Dipper. "I can sense it."

"But she puts them down out of fear of her parents," said the Ghost. "How can she ever break free, if you keep giving in? What sort of life could you have together?"

"You've got a point," said Dipper. "I'm going back in there to tell her parents off."

* * *

Dipper pushed open the main door. "Northwests! You've got some explaining to do."

Pacifica dashed in from an adjoining room, smiling. "Dipper, you came back!"

"You lied to me," said Dipper. "All you had to do was let the townsfolk into the party and you could've broken the curse! But you made me do your dirty work instead!"

Preston glared at him. "Look at who you're talking to, boy. I'm hosting a party for the most powerful people in the world. You think they'd come here if they had to rub elbows with your kind?"

Dipper said, "My kind? Pacifica, listen to that. If you don't break out of this you'll be just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!"

Pacifica said, "I'm sorry, they made me! I should have listened to you, but..."

Preston rang a bell, and Pacifica stepped back, cowed and defeated.

"Enjoy the party!" said Preston. "It's the last time you and your kind will ever come."

Dipper glared at him and walked away.

When a chimp servant offered Dipper a tray of hors-d'oeuvres, Preston said, "No no! Those aren't for him."

* * *

Pacifica worried over what Dipper had said, about being another link in the world's worst chain. He had seen her give in to her father's bell. Would he fall out of love with her?

She had wanted to revisit that strange side room they had found while hiding from the Ghost, to see what all the covered pictures were. But she decided that could wait. Dipper might still return to the party and she wanted to have a long talk with him.

* * *

Dipper was in a bad mood. "Stupid Northwests, controlling Pacifica with a bell like she was a dog."

He muttered the words of exorcism: "Exodus demonus, spookus scarus, aintafraidus noghostus-"

The Ghost spoke from the mirror. "Dipper! Dipper! Let me free. Put that girl of yours to the test to see if she's worth loving. See if she will do the right thing and open the gates."

"No," said Dipper. "My sister's in there too, and you seem a little unstable, man."

"Very well, boy. Then... before you banish my soul, may these tired lumber eyes gaze upon the trees one final time?"

"Uh... I guess," said Dipper, holding the mirror up to the forest. "Go nuts, man."

The Ghost cackled madly and the mirror became red-hot. Dipper dropped it when it burned his hand, and it shattered on the ground, releasing the ghost.

"Yes! VENGEANCE!" said the Ghost.

"Oh no! Mabel! Pacifica!" said Dipper.


	4. Freedom

Preston stood at the front of the room. "Thank you all for coming! I think we can all say this party was a rousing success."

"I guess you could say it was a slam dunk, Presto," said the basketball player guest.

"Yes, yes, I guess, sure," said Preston. "A toast! To our family name..."

His glass shattered, to the sound of ghostly laughter.

"What?" said Preston.

The Ghost flew out of the fireplace. "Generations locked away, my revenge shall have its day!"

The old mayor said, "Ah, the grim reaper! I'd been wondering when you would arri- Aaah!"

A beam from the ghost struck the mayor, and both he and his wheelchair turned to wood and fell over. Stuffed animals came to life and attacked the guests. More beams struck and more turned to wood. The house was rapidly turning back into a forest.

Mrs. Northwest said, "Preston, what are we going to do?"

Preston punched a stuffed squirrel off his shoulder. "Prepare the panic room."

They ran off to find a butler to do this.

Pacifica was hiding near the front door, hoping Dipper would come back.

The front doors flew open and Dipper came in, soaked from the rain. He gasped in shock at the sight of the house.

One of the guests who was turning to wood reached out to him, "Please, help me!"

"Whoa, that is just messed up," said Dipper.

"Just one way to change your fates: a Northwest must open the party gates," chanted the ghost.

Dipper saw Pacifica. "Pacifica, you heard that. Please sweetheart, just do it. Pull the lever and open the gates."

Pacifica said, "My parents..."

Dipper said, "Forget your parents and do the right thing. Do it before anyone tells you not to. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."

Pacifica said, "It's not. They'll never forgive me. But I'll do it, because I love you and I have to save you at any cost."

She reached up and pulled the gate lever, then called to the Ghost. "Hey ugly, look what I just did! Now change everyone back!"

There was a roar of noise from outside as the group of Gravity Falls citizens rushed onto the grounds.

"Yes, yes, it's happening! My heart, once as hard as oak, now grows soft, like more of a birch, or something," said the Ghost.

The guests and the manor returned to their normal forms.

"Pacifica, you are not like the other Northwests. I feel... lumber justice," said the Ghost, glowing and fading away in peace.

Preston opened the hatch of the Panic Room and saw what was happening. "Pacifica Elise Northwest, what have you done? You have shamed the family name!"

"There was no other way," said Pacifica. "The ghost would have killed us all."

"You should have realized we had a contingency plan. We would have survived in the Panic Room," said Preston. "There were enough mini-sandwiches and oxygen to last you, me, and a butler a full week."

"I didn't know it would work against a ghost," said Pacifica.

"It would have," said Mrs. Northwest, "I had it enchanted to be ghost-proof."

"You failed to act as a Northwest ought," said Preston. "We'll discuss your punishment later. Right now we have to deal with this fiasco."

Preston saw Manly Dan swimming in the cider fountain, Old Man McGucket dancing on a table, and Tyler placing a fork wrong. "Good lord, the riffraff! They're everywhere! "

Pacifica and Dipper slipped away to a different room.

"I'm in for it now, but they won't punish me in front of everyone," said Pacifica. "They'll wait until after the party. I'll be grounded for the rest of the summer, if nothing worse."

"Unbelievable," said Dipper. "You saved everyone and they still blame you."

"At least I didn't have to disobey a direct order, or resist the bell," said Pacifica.

"You could have done it, even then," said Dipper.

"To save you, I think I could have," said Pacifica. "But it would have been harder."

"Your parents will never approve of me, will they?" asked Dipper.

"No, they looked down on you even before you told them off," said Pacifica. "I don't know how I'm going to tell them that I love you."

"We're going to have a rough road ahead, aren't we?" asked Dipper. "We may not get to see each other for a long time."

"That's the way it is," said Pacifica. "But I'd rather not think about that right now; we have tonight. You know that secret room we found? Let's hide in there and make out."

"I like that idea," said Dipper, following her.

* * *

In the secret room, they sat down on the floor opposite the picture that the Ghost had uncovered when he attacked Pacifica. Dipper put his arm around Pacifica.

"Why does your family have a picture of llamas?" asked Dipper.

"I don't know," said Pacifica. "When I was younger they used to call me their little llama."

"That's sweet," said Dipper. "They have a soft spot in their hearts for you after all. It reminds me of me and lambs. There's a picture I'm sure Mabel will embarrass me by showing you sometime."

"There's something scary about it, but I can't quite remember," said Pacifica. "It has something to do with a tapestry they have in a side room of a triangle with one eye."

Dipper jumped up suddenly. "They have a tapestry of what?"

"A triangle with one eye floating in the air, and it's burning everything. It's their religion, I guess," said Pacifica. "They don't talk about it much, but sometimes they go in there and bow down in front of it."

"Pacifica, this is bad. That thing is real; I've had some seriously horrible encounters with it," said Dipper. "We need to look around in here some more and see if there are any more clues to what they're up to."

"What about some kissing first?" asked Pacifica, pouting a little.

Dipper said, "I'm worried you may be in danger, if your family is involved with Bill. Big things are going down, probably soon."

Pacifica sighed as Dipper started uncovering more paintings. Then she gasped.

"These are like twisted versions of the paintings in our Northwest achievement galley," Pacifica said. " _Jacob Northwest Cheating the Indians_ instead of _Jacob Northwest Making Peace with the Indians_ , and _Cyrus Northwest Robbing the Town_ instead of _Cyrus Northwest Feeding the Town_. No wonder this room was locked up. It's a painted record of every horrible thing that my family's ever done."

"What about this one, with the mad scientist?" asked Dipper.

"That looks like my grandfather, Victor Northwest, but pictures I've seen of him never looked so evil. He was supposed to be a great scientist and biologist. He disappeared about 30 years ago."

Dipper looked at the painting more closely. "Wait a second, there are six fingers on his right hand!"

"Yes, I know about that. He was doing breakthrough experiments in cloning and he accidentally cloned one of his fingers."

"He's the author of the journals, of this Journal 3!" said Dipper. "He'd be a good ally against Bill if we could find him. The page he wrote on Bill says, 'Do not summon at all costs!'"

"It's impressive, all the things he found out about ghosts. What else did he write in there?" asked Pacifica.

"He was the one who made the notes about Nathaniel Northwest, and he found a map that lead to Mabel and I discovering Nathaniel was a fraud. But I'm curious about one thing. How did a village idiot become so cunning that he could persuade a whole crew of lumberjacks to build a house for him?"

"I thought you were cruel to show me that document," said Pacifica. "I should have done more digging after that and found out I was born from a line of crooks."

"Just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them," said Dipper.

"I made a start tonight, anyway," said Pacifica.

"You did, and I'm proud of you," said Dipper.

They kissed, but Dipper broke away again. "There's one more place we should go tonight to try to learn more."

"Dating a nerd is frustrating, you know that?" asked Pacifica. "Where do you want to go now?"

"There's a room under the museum, which has records of erased memories," said Dipper. "I saw one tube for your father and one for you."

"Erased memories?" asked Pacifica.

"The Society of the Blind Eye had a machine to erase memories. They've been using it on the town for the last thirty years or so. We need to know what you lost."

"All right," said Pacifica. "But I hope it's worth losing more make-out time."

* * *

As they tried to get out a side door, the butler who had been in the Panic Room noticed them.

"Miss Pacifica, sneaking out with a young man?" said the butler. "Your parents would not approve."

"Please don't say anything to them, Greaves," said Pacifica. "I'll stay here."

"In spite of what your parents said, you did well tonight, Miss Pacifica," said Greaves. "You deserve a break for saving everyone. Have fun."

* * *

With almost everyone in town at the party, it was easy to break into the museum without being seen. Dipper showed Pacifica the secret passage to the Hall of the Forgotten.

"There may be an alarm on this record," said Dipper, as he got down the tube for Preston Northwest.

There was an alarm, but Dipper was able to silence it quickly. They put the tube into the player.

* * *

Preston Northwest appeared on the screen, seated in the Blind Eye Society's chair but not tied down.

"I am retiring from the Society and passing on the leadership role to Jeffrey Cannuck," said Preston. "I believe he has sufficient ruthlessness to do the job well."

"Thank you," said an off-screen voice. By the accent Dipper could tell it was the man who had called himself "Blind Ivan."

"Do you have anything you want to forget?" asked Blind Ivan.

"I have no regrets, but I do wish to forget that Pacifica found out the truth and called me a monster," said Preston. "And what she did after that. It is an annoying memory."

That was the end of the record.

* * *

"Now we really need to find yours," said Dipper.

After digging around in the loose tubes for a bit, they found a tube labeled "Pacifica Memories" and put it into the projector.

* * *

"Pacifica Northwest, what have you seen?" asked the voice of a Blind Eye member.

"I overheard my parents talking, and they worship this demon called Bill Cipher," said Pacifica. "They plan to sacrifice me or something, to turn me over to Bill to bring about an Apocalypse, a reign of monsters on Earth. It sounds totally crazy. I need you to help me!"

'We'll help you... to forget," said the speaker for the group.

"This isn't exactly the sort of thing we usually erase," said one of the other members. "It's not a monster sighting."

"It is knowledge of a future monster sighting," said the first speaker. "And ir is of personal importance to me, your leader."

"Father?" Pacifica said, "Is that you?"

The speaker apparently removed his hood, because Pacifica gasped.

"Yes. I might as well tell you the whole story, because you won't remember it anyway," said Preston Northwest. "Many years ago, your great-great grandfather was a lowly street sweeper. A being named Bill Cipher came to him in a dream and offered show him where to find magical mushrooms that would increase his intelligence and cunning so that he could rise in the world. Nathaniel Northwest agreed, and soon he as able to found Gravity Falls, or get himself declared the founder – the historical record isn't clear. The only condition Bill Cipher asked in return was that in 618 quarter-years that the direct descendants of Nathaniel must give up their firstborn child to him, as one of a set of ten people on his wheel of prophecy, to allow him to take over the world in an Apocalypse."

Pacifica asked, "When is this Apocalypse supposed to happen?"

"Six hundred and eighteen quarter years is one hundred and fifty four and a half years from the date of the deal. That will be in the summer of 2012," said Preston.

Pacifica gasped, "In a little over a year? And I'm the firstborn child you chose to sacrifice?"

"Not exactly," said Preston. "You see, we didn't want to give up our actual child. Fortunately, my father Victor Northwest invented cloning. You are the clone of our real Pacifica, who is being raised in a boarding school in Europe. You are her genetic twin, with some llama genes added for extra docility and obedience."

"I can't believe this!" said Pacifica.

"Believe it or not, you won't remember it," said Preston.

"You're a monster," said Pacifica, and she spit in his face.

"How dare you!" said Preston.

"Llamas sometimes spit, 'Father dear'," said Pacifica.

"Erase her!" said Preston, and the record ended.

* * *

Pacifica stared into space, in total shock.

"You can't go back to them," said Dipper. "Come to the Mystery Shack with me. We'll put you up and figure out what to do."

"I'm not really Pacifica Northwest? I'm just a clone... They were going to sacrifice me..."

Are you all right?" asked Dipper.

"I'm terrified, but... I'm free! I don't have to live up to the Northwest name any more."

"Down to it, you mean," said Dipper.

* * *

Back at the Shack, they talked in the attic room with Mabel, who had come back from the party early after finding nobody to date. Only Grenda had been successful.

"I'm nobody," said Pacifica. "I have nothing."

"You have us," said Mabel. "We'll be your new family, Pacifica."

"I'm not Pacifica. I need a new name."

"Atlantica," suggested Dipper. "Because you're oceans apart."

"Too close."

"Linda," suggested Mabel.

"Linda the Llama? Too alliterative for me."

"How about Glinda?" said Mabel.

"Glenda?" asked Dipper.

"Glinda, like in the Oz movie," said Mabel. "Glinda the Good, since you're good now."

"That name works for now. I feel so unreal, anyway," said Glinda. "I'll have to get fake identity papers in some real name later."

"Why?" asked Mabel.

"To get a job," said Glinda. "I'm penniless, except for a little pocket change."

She pulled out three fifty-dollar bills.

"Wow," said Mabel.

"It won't last long," said Glinda.

"Stay with us while we face this Apocalypse thing," said Dipper, "I think we're on the prophecy wheel, too."

"Really?" said Glinda.

"We saw Bill Cipher in a dreamscape," said Dipper. "Right before he vanished he showed us a wheel with ten symbols on it. One was a pine tree like on my hat, and one was a shooting star like one of Mabel's sweaters. He called us by those names, too. Pine Tree and Shooting Star."

"Was there a symbol for me?" asked Glinda.

"There was a llama," said Mabel.

"I was hoping I was off the hook, since I'm not really the firstborn," said Glinda.

"Bill may punish your so-called parents for cheating, but he might try to use you anyway," said Dipper.

"We're going to have to fight this," said Mabel. "I'll keep my grappling hook handy."

"Right now, I need some holding and comfort," said Glinda. "Dipper, can we continue that session you've been putting off?"

"Would you like some privacy?" asked Mabel.

"That would be good, thanks," said Dipper.

"Then go use Soos' break room," said Mabel. "I want to sleep."

Dipper gathered blankets and pillows.

"I just wish we knew exactly when the threat was coming, so we could be better prepared," said Dipper.

"Tomorrow, sweetie," said Glinda.

* * *

Back at the party, McGucket was wandering around. "Where did that Dipper get to? I want to show him this threat countdown thingummy."

The counter went down to "20:19:07".

The End


	5. Union

First thing in the morning, Dipper, Mabel, and Glinda stood at door to the office of the Justice of the Peace, waiting for the building to open.

Dipper was in the tuxedo he had borrowed for the party, and Glinda was in her purple party dress from the night before. Mabel was wearing a new white sweater with letters freshly stitched on it: "I ALWAYS CRY AT WEDDINGS."

"I can't believe my little bro's getting married!" said Mabel. "Whee! I am over the moon!"

"I can't believe they're going to let us do this, legally," said Dipper.

"Gravity Falls has the most relaxed marriage age laws in the country, sweetie," said Glinda. "It comes from the loophole that lets people marry woodpeckers. Birds reach physical maturity at a much younger age than people do. The way the law is written, there's no lower bound on marriageable age at all."

"So when Gideon wanted to force me to marry him, he could have done it legally, even though he's only ten?" said Mabel.

"That's right," said Glinda.

"Ick," said Mabel.

"This marriage probably won't be accepted outside of Gravity Falls," Dipper said.

"That's all we need for now. It will help me to have legal grounds to stay out of the hands of my parents, or maybe I should call them my keepers," said Glinda. "As we get older it will be accepted more and more places."

"My parents are going to flip," said Dipper. "But I love you so much that I don't care."

Preston Northwest's car drove up. He got out and came storming up to them.

"Pacifica Elise Northwest, what do you think you're doing? You ran off from the party and stayed out all night with a boy. This is scandalous."

"We're getting married," said Glinda, holding tight to Dipper's hand.

"What? No, you're not," said Preston. "You're coming home at once."

"No," said Glinda. "It's not my home."

"Before you try anything rough, take a look at this," said Mabel.

She held up a cell phone, and played back the video they had recorded off the memory eraser playback device, with Preston's confession to the cloning scheme.

"Where did you get that?" asked Preston. "It's fake. I don't remember saying that."

"The trouble with erasing the memories of your mistakes is that they can still come back to haunt you," said Dipper.

"Give me that," said Preston, snatching at the phone. Mabel danced out of his reach.

"We have copies, and friends who are ready to put that out on the internet if anything happens to us," said Mabel.

"This is blackmail," said Preston.

"Only to leave us alone," said Glinda. "Since I know I'm not your real first-born daughter, I'm of no use to you. I'll Bill Cipher the truth if you try to use me for the prophecy wheel. If you want to honor the family deal you'll have to call back the real Pacifica from Europe."

"I still want you back with us," said Preston. "It's ridiculous for you to jump into marriage with a young peasant you've barely met. It makes the family look bad."

"I love Dipper," said Glinda. "And I need this marriage for a real identity and citizenship. And as for making the family look bad, it is bad."

"You don't need it for citizenship," said Preston. "The social security number you already have is real. I had to get you one in order to claim both you and your sister as dependents on my income taxes."

"What's my real name?" asked Glinda.

"Pacifica2," said Preston. "Pacifica2 Llama Northwest."

"I have a digit in my first name? Lovely," said Glinda. "I'll have it legally changed as soon as I can. At least I can change my last name today, to Pines."

"You still insist on getting married?" asked Preston.

"Yes," said Glinda and Dipper together.

"You'll regret this," said Preston. "And so will you, boy. You can't support Pacifica2 in the lifestyle to which she's accustomed."

"I know, but I'd rather live as a peasant than continue in a lie," said Glinda.

"You've made a powerful enemy today," said Preston.

"You already were one, planning to turn me over to Bill," said Glinda. "We just didn't know it."

"You haven't heard the last of this," said Preston.

He stormed back to his car, and the chauffeur drove him away.

"Woop woop! You did it!" said Mabel. "You stood up to him."

"I was scared stiff," said Glinda.

"So was I, but together we made it through," said Dipper. He kissed her.

The door to the Justice of the Peace opened.

"Let's do this!" said Glinda.

"Yeah!" said Dipper.

Dipper and Glinda entered hand in hand, with Mabel behind them throwing confetti.


End file.
